im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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