Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I skipped work to stalk him.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
