careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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