Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
