I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Congratulations! We have a period
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
