Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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