She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
