i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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