I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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