I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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