final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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