i already hear my dad disowning me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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