One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
