There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
