Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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