Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
