i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
