i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize