I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
