if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
