Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
