but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
