I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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