Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
COCAINE IS GR8
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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