yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
