i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You are a genius and a whore.
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