They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
