your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize