And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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