what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Text me some of your sweat
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
