Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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