Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
