Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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