Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
