hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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