I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
