The maid of honor just puked.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am one with the molecules
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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