You made me cry and you don't even care
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
PANTIES FOUND
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