I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
