Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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