I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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