girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
