I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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