if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
