apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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