Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
