Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The air was thick with penises
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
