I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
