i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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