Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
