I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
