Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
