Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
