Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize