She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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