Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
