They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
