He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
