Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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