I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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