I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
