you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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