we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
