why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
