the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
