but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize