Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize