His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize