Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm at about main and main street
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
