Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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