I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
