Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize