$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
