One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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