Grow some girl-balls and come out already
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
