Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
