OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
