we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
