I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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