I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
