Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize