im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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