I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
