Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
