Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
