Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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