life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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